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Subject:
[adventure] Night train (It ain´t just bad liquor)
Date:
12/13/2003 7:49:18 AM
Well,
I´ve discovered that Spain is the major port for drugs
entering Europe.
I´ve found this out in two ways. The first and most obvious
way to discover
this is by walking the streets of Barcelona, where every
other person
standing around whispers 'chocolata ... hashish ...
chocolata ... cocaine'
as you pass. Turns out they don´t like it if you try to buy
1 Euro worth of
cocaine, but it´s fun to ask. By the way, when I sent out
that email a
while back asking people if they wanted to be on this email
list and
suggesting you send money, the only person who actually sent
money was my
friend Brenda (some friends YOU are!). I promised her I´d
use the money
strictly for ludicrous purposes. So if I can find a post
office Brenda,
I´ll send you a chewy toothbrush I bought in a truck stop
vending machine
near London[1]. It´s this little thing that looks like a
tiny mis-shapen
rubber squid coated in some kind of chemical stuff. You pop
it in your
mouth and chew on and it kind of brushes your teeth, and
then it brushes
your uvula and you gag. You have to admit the average Brit
has much better
teeth in recent years. Perhaps it´s because of the chewy
toothbrush.
Anyway, the other way to discover that Spain is the major
port for the
European drug trade is to take the night train from Valencia
(major port for
unbelievably beautiful Spanish women[2]) to Granada (an
ancient Muslim city
whose name literally translates to 'land of the impossible
street
configuration'[3]). If you have never taken a night train
(this was my
first), it´s just like what you´ve seen in the movies. The
only difference
is that movie actors are actually very tiny and can fit into
the train beds
which are approximately 34 inches long. The train arrived
here at 8am.
It´s about 1pm now and I am just starting to regain the use
of my legs.
So I got on the train last night and found that I was
sharing the car with
two guys from Barcelona: Alberto and his friend Sergio (who
was celebrating
his 21st birthday). Long story short, they told me about the
drug trade in
Spain and how they were dissapointed that their friend
didn´t show up with
the cocaine he was supposed to sell them at the train
station, so they had
to get on the train with a huge, disappointing wad of cash.
I´m sure
you´lll all be happy to know we did celebrate Sergio´s
birthday though, as
they had brought some Jack Daniels and I brought some juice-boxes-o-wine
that I picked up in the supermarket for 48 cents (for 3).
They didn´t have
straws, but they were otherwise exactly like Juicy-Juice
boxes aside from
the fact that they contained trace amounts of hell.
You´ll also be happy to know that I´ll be leaving Spain soon
for sunny
Morocco. I´ve heard there are no drugs there.
If anyone wants to send suggestions/warnings about Morroco,
Mauritania, or
any other countries that may or may not be down there,
please do. If you
want to send money, you haven´t missed your chance! Just
send it to Citibank
Mastercard c/o Jason Morris. I can´t hide from them forever.
jay
p.s., Those of you who know anything about email etiquette
have probably
realized that I have been CC'ing this to everyone instead of
Blind CC'ing
it. This is due to an unfortunate childhood incident that
involved me
drinking bleach. I have now corrected the problem, so you
won´t see (or be
on) a displayed list of addresses anymore. Sorry about that.
[1] I won´t try to mail you any cocaine Brenda, since I only
have your work
address
[2] If anyone wants to have a knee-weakening experience,
travel to Valencia
and look directly at the women there. It´s a life-affirming
experience. I
now believe in a god.
[3] This morning I walked down a straight road directly
North and ended up
South-West of the place I started walking, so that I passed
it again.
Spooky!